Updates From a Long Absence

There is a perfectly good explanation for my prolonged absence from this blog. Remember when I did that information session via videochat with prospective volunteers at University of Miami? No? Well I did that and it was a lot of fun. I got to talk about Madagascar, my work and hear how different PC life is for two other UM alumni currently serving in other countries. Anyways, while I was in the big city using fast internet and living the life in order to do this videochat, my computer finally gave out. No idea what happened, but PCVs' electronics have a knack for just throwing in the towel during their two years in Madagascar. Bottom line, writing a new blog post was sort of put on the back burner for a while. In Madagascar, it's hard enough to get electricity to use a computer. Then, once you have electricity it's even harder to find a way to get internet on said computer. Then, it's even harder to find internet that won't take a few days to load a webpage. Needless to say, all of this becomes exponentially more difficult without a computer. Nevertheless, here I am, back to entertain you with yet another installment of my Gasy adventures...

How bout that library, eh?

Library is cruising right now. A few weeks ago I finished classifying an insane amount of books. I honestly had no idea it was going to be that tedious or take me that long to do. As of right now, I'm not a huge fan of Dewey or his decimal system. Here is a small look at a section of books in the library (they are all sitting in organized, alphabetical piles all over the floor of the library).

We've got English, French and Malagasy books. People will pay a small, yearly fee to use the library, but won't be able to check the books out because of theft. People will get a library card with their payment and will have to submit that to the librarian in order to get in. There will be shelves along the walls of the library and a long table in the middle where everyone can sit to read. 

Right now, I am on my way back to site from vacation. When I get back I will be working to build some shelves for the library, which should take a week or so. After that, we can install the shelves, stock em and prep the library itself. When all that is done, we should be good to go. I'd say we're looking at another month (fingers crossed) before it opens. I really would like to work in it for a few months before I leave Ampasimanjeva. Here is the sign I had made to put out on the road in Ampasimanjeva...

This will be put on the road outside the library. One of my friends asked me what "Faraony Resource Center" means in Malagasy. I told him there's no real meaning its just a name. He told me I should write "Bibliotheque" in pen so people know exactly what it is [shakes head].

Also when I get back I am going to be helping a new Agriculture volunteer install at her new site. She is replacing a guy who had been there since I arrived in country. It's really nice to have helpful, fun PCVs around you and Nick was defintely that. He will be missed. All the best back home, bud.

Finally, the third and final trimester of my two year Peace Corps service will begin upon my return to Ampasimanjeva. I could get all nostalgic right now, but I'm planning to be here for another here, so we'll wait on that post for a little while. Speaking of being here for a little while, extension papers and application forms have all been sent in. No volunteer is guaranteed an extension if he/she applies, but I am hoping I will be approved. My Peace Corps supervisor went with me to talk to my future boss in Manakara a few weeks ago and it seems like everything is a go, provided I am approved and that there is a house for me to live in. A few weeks ago, this future boss showed me a house where I would live in a small room (no problem, already used to that) with another family (not used to that, but it could be an adventure) right across the street from the lycee in Manakara (perfect location). Unfortunately, the man of the house smokes like a chimney (deal breaker) so we have to go back to the drawing board to find another location. If they don't find anything then I still could be coming home in September.

I just got back from my second vacation to Mauritius since I arrived in country. The first time was with my parents back in September and now this past week and a half during Easter. I went with 6 other volunteers and we had a great time. Sorry, I didn't take any pictures. Partly because I'm lazy, but mostly because everyone else has cameras so I figured I would just look at theirs, right? I'm sure I'll get their pictures before I leave this country and sometime in the future I will let everyone have a looksie. It was great though we: saw museums, parks, waterfalls, went ziplining, kitesurfing, snorkeling, did excursions on the water, and much more. We spent a week and a half in the land of electricity and things. Now, we are back in Madagascar. We'll see how this transition goes.

That's all for now. Back soon, computer permitting.

Extending

After a lot of consideration and a few discussions with my family, I believe I am going to be extending my Peace Corps service here in Madagascar. I think I actually had it in my mind for quite some time now that this is what I wanted to do but this past weekend I spoke with the person who I believe will be my co-worker for my third year and he gave me his approval for the job in Manakara. You may recognize the name of the city because it is my banking town and the closest “major city” to Ampasimanjeva. The third year job would be with the CISCO Manakara which is essentially the equivalent of any public school system in the states. I would live in Manakara but most of my job would take place outside of the city in the smaller, more rural towns that I have really come to love during my two years. You might be wondering why I would choose to move to a bigger city only to continue working in the rural areas, especially if I prefer the small town life. Well, Manakara is hands-down my favorite city in this country and I think it would make for a nice transition from rural Peace Corps life to life outside of Madagascar, wherever that may lead. But back to the job… I would hold English clubs once per week at the lycee in Manakara, but the primary project would be to organize teacher trainings for the English teachers at the CEGs (middle schools) and Lycees (High Schools) within the district. Following the training I just did with all the teachers from the small region of schools near my house, I realized the English education in the area is so much worse than I previously knew. These teachers can speak only a few sentences in English and, even worse, they have no idea how to teacher grammar or sentence structure. Since that first training, I have held one workshop for the English teachers only and will continue to do so once per month until the school year ends. I’m hoping by the end of the school year we will have improved a little bit. These trainings may not seem like a lot, but it really feels like these teachers are getting something out of the instruction. And, as Peace Corps would say…what is more sustainable than training English teachers how to properly teach English. Otherwise, these Malagasy teachers will be teaching incorrectly for years after PCVs leave and we will have nothing to show for all our work. This new job will also allow me to do something that I have really come to enjoy since I arrived in country: biking. Right now, my lycee is one of the farthest schools from Manakara that still lies within the district and I have biked the distance (about 72km) more than a dozen times at this point. The other schools I would go to are between Ampasimanjeva and Manakara. If I ever get tired of biking (which I most certainly will) I apparently can ask for a ride in one of the CISCO cars (and not have to take a taxi-brousse! Livin’ in luxury). Aside from the trainings/workshops that I’ll organize with the English teachers, I’ll also be traveling around to sit in on their classes and hopefully making some suggestions on their lessons or their English in general. When I was thinking about the extension process, I wanted to make sure I stayed here for a good reason and I think this could be something I’d be really proud of while still being able to experiences some of the freedoms and amenities that I haven’t had in some time. So, the CISCO is currently looking for a house for me in Manakara. After that, I will need to get final approval from Peace Corps Senior staff and then it will be a done deal. If it doesn’t work, there is a current third year volunteer who lives in another big city close to the capital. She has raved about how much she loves her job right now and says I would love it too, so that could be another possibility should this job in Manakara not work out. Two years is a long time to be in Peace Corps, ask any volunteer who has ever served in the world. Three years is obviously even longer. But when you love what you’re doing and can take pleasure in the impact you’re having, why is any amount of time too long? I miss my family (immediate and extended, I miss the big family gatherings and I miss my friends, but I love what I am doing here and right now I don’t know if there are too many jobs that could give me the same day-to-day sense of reward and satisfaction that I get here. This is an opportunity I have now and I don’t want to regret not taking advantage of it 20 years down the line. I’m sure any opportunity that I may have been able to take advantage of stateside in September will still be a possibility a year later (fingers crossed). Now, for the really good news: each volunteer extending for one year is allowed one month of home leave. Looks like mine will be around August or September to coincide with my cousin’s wedding. You all should start thinking about taking some time off work around then. I’d love to see as many of you as I can in that month. Finally, I am currently in Fianarantsoa to do a promotional event for Peace Corps and University of Miami. If you’re near Coral Gables, you should definitely come check it out. Three UM grads/current PCVs and I will be video chatting with everyone about our experiences. It starts at 6:30 your time. Here are some links I have received advertising the event: https://everitas.univmiami.net/2014/02/13/learn-about-joining-the-peace-corps-at-live-chat-with-current-um-volunteers-and-president-shalala/. http://peacecorpsvolunteers.blogspot.com/2014/01/rory-lincoln-of-university-of-miami-fl.html Hope to see you on the interwebs!

News of the Day & An Observation on Gasy Youth

When they don’t want to make you go blow your brains out, Malagasy people, especially kids, are pretty amazing in the sense that no physical or mental obstacle is too big to overcome. It is the intellectual obstacles that seem to throw everyone into a never-before-seen state of lethargy.

These kids are so much tougher than kids in the states. No child is too young to begin manual labor or start trying new things that American kids probably wouldn’t start until they are in their mid-teens. Walking up and down my road from my house into town I will see kids carrying buckets full of water or bundles of sticks for firewood (usually on their heads without using their hands for balance) that are bigger than them. Toddlers will herd cattle that weigh 15 times as much as they do – and the only thing they have to defend themselves is a small stick. These kids will fearlessly bark out orders in incomprehensible Gasy and jump between the herd without regard for their own, frail little bodies when a particular cow starts losing its mind. Herding cattle is an everyday affair that obviously requires very little intellect (or perhaps none if you choose to work with these unpredictable beasts). These cattle herders (or cowboys as they like to call themselves when an American asks) rise before most (and all people here are up before the sun) and spend the entire day walking through outrageous heat that would have most of us crying for an ice cream and our A/C on full blast without regard for the electric bill. But, when you have no idea what A/C is or that is even exists, then who cares, right? That is life here and ignorance is bliss. Another thing, could you ever imagine a child of any age waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning on a Saturday to do physical labor or walk a cow around in the blistering heat for hours? When I was a teenager I slept comfortably until 10 am in my fluffy duvet comforter in the middle of the summer with the A/C on high and an extra fan pointed at me for good measure. God forbid if I still couldn’t sleep well on a particular night because everyone would know it the next day.

Another thing is kids aren’t afraid to try new things here. This might have just been me as a kid, but I’m gonna go ahead and generalize it on the entire population of American youth. In Madagascar it is not crazy to see a 5-year-old riding on a bike made for an adult. They see people riding around on bikes and they want to give it a go. Since you don’t need a license to ride a bike, why not? Training wheels? In Madagascar? Not a chance. These kids skip right past the Barbie and Hot Wheels bike with the streamers on the handles and big, sturdy training wheels and head straight for the big boy ride. I have seen kids spend an entire day on a field trying to figure out how to mount a bike and pedal even though they can’t reach the seat and the pedals at the same time (its possible). It doesn’t matter how many times they fall because each time it seems to get funnier and become less of a reason to cry and quit. Once they get it there is no stopping them. I think what I’m saying is that being here I have realized that kids in the states, including myself, are pampered divas. This is not just because we have training wheels back home, but for so many other reasons that you really have to see for yourself to understand.

Speaking of kids in this country, there is no social stigma attached to older people befriending young kids which takes a hell of a lot of getting used to coming from our culture. So often you will see people in their mid-to-late 20s who appear to be best friends with a 10-year-old. In the states most 18-year-olds wouldn’t be caught dead playing soccer with a person younger than 10 unless they were in a place where the public eye couldn’t see them and their reputation wouldn’t take a hit. On the other hand, such a scenario might be even more of a cause for concern for bystanders if an 18-year-old only wants to hang out with someone younger than them if they are alone. A lot of times volunteers will get packages with American food in them (a huge deal and a great day for any volunteer). Sometimes, these volunteers are good enough to share (definitely not me) with kids and friends. But could you imagine a person in the states in their mid-20s luring a child or teen into their house with the help of food? Yikes. I believe such a thing is illegal in most of the 50 states. Before I start sounding like a pedophile myself, I’m going to stop talking about kids. The whole point of this blog is to share some of the things that have surprised me in this country and this is definitely one of them. The relationships that people have here, despite age differences, blows me away. No one cares about what others thing. The idea of befriending someone who is older or younger than you has not been tainted by the social hierarchy or deranged pedophiles (at least in my village).

So, switching gears…

Library is going well. All the books are inside and sorted. I still have to label all of them and then organize them on shelves. Unfortunately, my lycee is responsible for getting all the furniture for the library, but getting anyone to pay for anything or even to show a little interest in helping me wrap this project up seems nearly impossible. I may have mentioned this already, but Peace Corps requires the local community to give 25% participation to each volunteer project. I got some money for the library from the head of education in my region as well as the equivalent of a governor, but the lycee pledged a material donation for the furniture in the library. Unfortunately, I still don’t have it, but I will be sure to post more pictures when they arrive and the books are stocked. Right now, its just the same building with books all over the inside.

School is also going well. We are well into our second and longest trimester of the year. I’m really starting to see a huge difference in these students’ (particularly the ones that I have now had for almost two years) ability to speak English. It’s a pretty cool feeling. There are about a handful of students who come over pretty regularly now just to talk and another bunch of students who only speak English to me when I see them outside of class. Seems like this whole Peace Corps thing might actually be working. Who knew?

I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I represent my region three times per year in the capital for a meeting with the country’s senior staff. This march will be my third and final meeting as the VAC representative for the southeast. Before the national meeting, each region gets together to discuss new Peace Corps policies and changes that we think should be made. My last regional meeting that I will be in charge of organizing will be in two weeks in a town called Manombo. I just went there last weekend to check it out before we all get there (another volunteer also lives there) and I’m really excited. It’ll be a few days of camping, little to no phone service and just each other’s company. We always seem to really enjoy these meetings and I’m thinking this is going to be just as good, if not better.

In regards to the possibility of me extending my service for another year here in Madagascar. It is still very much a possibility. My supervisor just gave me approval to look into a job that I proposed so that is exciting. Right now though it is nothing more than a proposal, but I do enjoy my work here and I’m not always so sure the grass (and by grass, I mean job opportunities that you truly love doing and don’t necessarily consider work) will be greener on the other side of the Atlantic. Then again, I found this Peace Corps job, right? What’s to say there aren’t hundreds of more jobs that I would love just like it either back in the states or in another country? Decisions, decisions. Stay tuned.

One of my friends who really helped me advertise my library project now has a project of her own right now. She is trying to send a fellow English teacher to the states for a training. Here’s the website: www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-jemima-present-at-the-international-tesol-conference#&ui-state=dialog Please pass the word along.

I gave a training to English teachers in my region a few weeks ago. It focused pretty much on techniques of presenting new material, different ways to prepare for class, and how to teach to people who learn/retain information in different ways. Unfortunately, a lot of this was a little over their heads because none of them are actual teachers (although, neither am I really). The entire training was in Malagasy because they would have never understood what I was saying if I spoke English. They simply cannot speak it. I mean can you imagine an English teacher who doesn’t speak English or any language teacher who is unable to speak the target language? That would be like an 800-pound gym teacher holding a taco and telling young students to run laps. Like hell anyone is going to listen to that dude (actually my gym teacher in middle school used to chase us around the football field in her car when we ran the mile. She was a big lady). The English teacher that I work with at my lycee (who can speak very good English actually) just called it one of the saddest things she had ever seen.

Until next time.

A Library and New Lessons Learned: Another Trimester in Ampasimanjeva

Well, it’s finished, if you can believe that. Construction on the Faraony Resource Center started on November 11^th and finished December 18^th in what I think may be one of the fastest jobs ever completed in the history of Madagascar. This is particularly amazing considering the fact that the last week and a half worked slowed to a pace that I was originally expecting. This past Monday (which was supposed to be the last day) the workers didn’t even show up. I later found out they went and got drunk for the day. Then yesterday the gendarmerie and police showed up at the library on behalf of some workers who are building a new set of classrooms right next to my library (those classrooms are being built by a French man in town. They started about four months before the library started and are still nowhere near finishing. Now, everyone in town is saying that Americans work better than the French. It’s pretty amusing). They said one of the guys working on the library borrowed a piece of equipment and never gave it back. Bottom line is now 4 workers are apparently being held in jail and the big boss (my buddy who is like the contractor for the job) has to go and get them out. The worker apparently already offered to reimburse the money for the piece of equipment (40,000Ar or about $18) but the workers for the new classrooms wanted the piece of equipment back, not money. This is the kind of crap that happens on a day-to-day basis here.

Back to the whole timeline thing…

On my proposal for this project, I wrote that the construction would start in mid January, assuming it was going to take longer than 3 and a half weeks to raise $6,000. However, thanks to all of you, I was able to start incredible early and finish even earlier (the proposal asks us to map out how long each aspect of the project will take. I estimated 2.5 months for the build. It took just more than 5 weeks). You may be thinking, ‘what kind of piece of crap can anyone build with $6,000+ and 5 weeks?’ Well, actually you can make a pretty nice 6x4 meter structure out of it. It’s no library by American standards, but it's no closet either. Have a look!

You can kind of see the new classrooms that the french guy is building just to the right.

Notice how the classrooms to the right still look pretty much the same as my first picture. AMERICA!

So, now begins the real work – unpacking 42 boxes of books, sorting and categorizing them, training the librarian and turning this thing into a legit learning opportunity for the thousands of people in my region who may be illiterate or never finished high school. I am hopefully going to have the help of at least the two PCVs who live near me, so what might normally be a lot of tedious work (organizing and cataloging books) will hopefully be a good time. Plus, we just built a library. How can you not have a huge grin on your face after that? Before I get to that part of the project, I am headed for a small vacation in Diego, a town in the most northern part of Madagascar. But before I close the book on the library, I want to say another big thank you to everyone who chipped in to help with this. I think I speak for the thousands of people whose lives you have just changed when I say your kindness and generosity is greatly appreciated.

The first trimester of my second, and possibly final, year in Peace Corps has come to an end. Wow, it was so much better than the first year. First and foremost, it is just so much easier when you can speak their language. Make no mistake about it; I could not speak this language well enough at this time last year to teach effectively. But in addition to that, I feel comfortable standing in front of a class of 70+ students and teaching for a full 2 hours. I’m not saying I want to teach for the rest of my life, but I feel like I understand the English language well enough (you all would be surprised to find out how much you don’t know about English. We can speak it, right? So who really cares what the name of the tense is and what the rules are for its usage?) to teach it and have it make sense (for the most part) to Malagasy students. Questions too. Last year if kids had a question I would ask them always to ask it in English. I told myself I was trying to get them to speak in the target language more (which is true), but it was really just a front to disguise my inability to speak and understand Malagasy. Quite frankly, it was a despicable thing to do, but what choice did I have? If I screwed up understanding their question or botched my answer I would have lost all credibility in an instant. Likewise, if my high school French teacher had told us to ask our questions in French, I probably would have had a mild tirade and told myself ‘Fuck that’ and never spoken in class ever, thus making the entire language learning process completely useless (unfortunately it was pretty useless anyway considering I don’t speak much French). The bottom line is I don’t do that anymore and I haven’t had a problem yet. If I do trip over my Malagasy while trying to explain something, I usually can have a good laugh with the rest of the class and then move on. What is really exciting though is that kids actually speak up now – they are raising their lands and asking questions – something that didn’t really happen last year and never happens in a Malagasy classroom. Malagasy teachers stick to a strictly lecture-based teaching method and students are taught from a young age that the teacher is the boss and you do not question him or her. Such an act would be like not eating rice for lunch – blasphemous (gotta get that rice joke in there somewhere). So, students go through their education like drones – taking orders and copying everything down that is written on the board without ever actually learning anything. Honestly, I think if most of my students pulled out their notebooks from their classes last year they would be surprised to find that the material is fairly similar, they just never actually really learned it. I’m not saying I’m better or even that I’m a good teacher because I am definitely not (that’s a fact, not modesty). However, I do think the way in which we, as Americans, take education for granted – a more interactive learning system, especially with a language – has helped some of these kids out a lot. There are several students who could barely say, “Hello. How are you?” last year who are now having full, albeit very broken, conversations with me. It’s a pretty cool feeling and one that you have to remember when things are not going your way. On the other hand, I still have my fair share of students who either don’t care or just don’t get it and never improve on their exams. That feeling never ceases to suck the life and energy right out of you.

Speaking of tests (and I think this is a cultural thing, but I cant stand it nonetheless), kids do not study or cram before tests ever! We just had our first trimester finals last week and unfortunately there was a little problem with one test…

Quick back-story on how we give tests…

For some stupid reason, the Proviseur goes to the big city near us (72km away) to print out all the finals for each subject to give to each student when they are taking the exam. To you and me, that obviously sounds completely normal. Well, here we usually do things a little differently and just write the exam on the blackboard and the students copy. Making several hundred copies is expensive and teachers just don’t have the money. But again, for some reason, the finals are different. The problem with this is that the Proviseur is a pretty cheap dude and tries to format all the tests so that he can get 3 or 4 tests on one page thus saving paper and a bunch of money in copies. That’s great up until it’s time to give the test out to the students and the teachers notice that he has either changed or deleted half the test in order to save money. Next thing you know, the teachers are all working to correct these pages and wasting the first 20-30 minutes of test time. It’s a total disaster, but after several times of me saying don’t do this, they keep doing it.

Back to the final that had the problem…

So, naturally, this same problem happened last week so students were left sitting around for a half hour before the test started. None of them were looking in their notebooks or studying anything. It blows my mind every time. In the states, when I had a test on a particular day, I remember waking up early to review notes, brining my books to lunch and then having my book open on my desk right up until the point my professor put the exam in front of me. Granted, not all students were as neurotic as I was, but we can’t all be Will Hunting. Back to Madagascar – no one was reviewing anything in the 30-minute delay before the test. I mean literally 0 out of the 350+ students at the lycee were trying to cram in one last piece of information. It is like this every test and I think its crazy. But then again, that just seems to be how education goes around here.

Back to the whole bit about me possibly having taught my last first trimester here in Madagascar. I am in Manakara now because I am looking around at possible third year extension opportunities. I think the only way I extend is if I find something I want to do in this city. I really love it here and I definitely wouldn’t want to leave the PCV family I have here in the southeast. I have until the beginning of May to find a job, find a good work partner through this job, and make a decision. I think the part that freaks me out the most is the actual decision part – definitely more than my decision to join Peace Corp in the first place. It’s another year of my life, I will actually know what I am going to be doing for that year (could be a good or bad thing), and I will also have to watch basically every other PCV that I currently know in this country leave before me. Just another mind fuck that you can chalk up to the Peace Corps experience. So, I have a little more than 4 months to make a decision. If I don’t extend though, I will be leaving this country as early as 9 months from now. Crazy!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All!!!! See you in 2014.

Tamana Ve?

I wrote this about month ago with no intention of blogging it. For whatever reason I just sat down and started writing, which is odd considering I have never written in or kept a journal in my life. Reading it now, though, it seems like something you all will appreciate.

Quick update on the library project: After several weeks of trying to get the money that several Malagasy donors had promised months ago, they have finally given me (at least part of) their contribution. Building is going to start on the 11^th of November. Again, thank you so much to all of you who helped make this possible. I will try to keep you all updated as best as I can through the interwebs.

***************

I think after a year and a bit I can finally say, “Yes, I am.” I’m not really sure what brought this particular thought process because I haven’t had an especially awesome day, but what the hell.

No two Peace Corps volunteer experiences are the same. Obviously, this would be true of a volunteer in Fiji and a volunteer in Ethiopia, but I am talking about volunteers within Madagascar, too. My Peace Corps experience has been worlds apart from even that of my two site mates; the bottom line is I got extremely lucky. From what I have heard of the volunteer placement process (not for country, but for town/village within a country) it doesn’t seem that many aspects of one’s professional background are matched with site needs. Instead, it’s more of a mix and match with no great systematic approach, aside from possible medical requirements. I remember I was a bit confused when I wasn’t matched to my first choice, a town in northern Madagascar that had an English radio program started by a previous volunteer. I think anyone who knows me would agree that this would have seemed like a perfect match. But after the two-week process of reviewing and researching all the different sites available to the group of volunteers I came to country with and trying to conceal those choices from your new friends (a very awkward time) so as to not give too much away, I genuinely became fed up. The day before our site announcements we had an interview with Peace Corps staff members and I told them I didn’t really care anymore. I didn’t say it with malice or frustration in my voice (even though I really was fed up). I just said, ‘you have my choices, whatever you decide I am fine with.’ From the beginning of the application process up until that point, we are given no say in anything that happens to us, so for us to have a choice in where we live for two years in a tropical island, you can imagine the tension. Turns out, I was very convincing in that interview because I was placed in one of the sites no one asked for. When you come from the land of running water, electricity and porcelain toilets it is pretty easy to gravitate towards those things when you are given the option. After I found out I was going to Ampasimanjeva I looked back at my research of the site and saw the words “Fuck No” on the top. To this day, I have no idea why I wrote that. It’s almost embarrassing that I made such a judgment off a piece of paper.

Fast forward to today. I live in a house made out of the equivalent of tree bark. When it rains, it sounds like Armageddon (I’m actually hoping for a cyclone this year just to see if this baby can take it). I fetch (often nasty) water from a well about a football field away and poop in a hole about 200 yards away (a distance of which has definitely presented problems so far). I live in a town small enough where there are no restaurants for a quick meal. So even after a long, crappy day I still have to cook (an activity I hate) or I just don’t eat. Usually, I go with the latter. I know this sounds like complaining. I can tell you we volunteers do plenty of complaining about our respective situations (usually for therapeutic reasons), but I assure you this is the exact opposite.

When I first arrived here in Ampasimanjeva, people used to ask me, “Tamana ve anao?” (Are you settled? Do you like it here?). Obviously, I said yes because no one in American culture would ever say, “Hell no, this sucks” or “What the hell did I just get myself into” especially if you are expected to live in this place for another 2 years. So, I went with, “Oh, yeah. This is awesome. I’m completely settled in.” I was very convincing indeed. To be honest, I don’t think I would have known how to say in Malagasy my reasons for not being tamana yet.

I have come to realize that even though these people and this culture can frustrate the hell out of me, it is exactly what I was looking for. Even though it can get incredibly lonely when you have no electricity, nothing to do, and are staring at four walls infested with ants, rats and flying roaches. This is home and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think I can finally say, “I am tamana.”

We just finished our one-year conference and we had a session for those possibly interested in extending their service. It got loud in the room and it became very clear that about 90% of the volunteers completely tuned out. I think myself and maybe two other people were genuinely interested (don’t panic yet, mom. I’m just considering it). As I mentioned, there are days where I can’t wait to get out: the general apathy and lethargy of a lot of the Malagasy people can be deflating, disengaging and exhausting. Even still, these people find pleasure in their own livelihood, no matter how awful it may appear to the outside world. Who are we (the first world) to judge their way of life if it doesn’t seem to bother them? We use phrases like “the third world” and make judgments based on the 30 seconds CNN devotes to some small village in Africa once per month. I think what I am trying to say is that I finally understand what Peace Corps meant when they said volunteers often get more out of the experience than they give. Malagasy people often jokingly ask me if I can take them back to the states with me when I leave. These people are very small so they would probably fit in most checked bags. Just kidding. The truth is that while they are curious to hear my answer, I don’t think these people really have any desire to live in a culture where work and money come before everything (not to mention a life without rice three times per day. God forbid). I have met people, both Malagasy and ex-pats, who have the money to go somewhere else in this world, but choose Madagascar. Why? American culture would consider such a mentality completely nuts, as did many volunteers’ families when they left for the Peace Corps (I got lucky and had nothing but support). Granted, a lot of these people (but not all of them) who choose Madagascar have the financial means to live lavishly in a country like this.

Other volunteers tell me about their friends back home who are working jobs they hate, but what else can they do? Quit and move back in with their parents? No, society tells them that is failure even if you have the most accepting, helpful parents in the world. Even volunteers who are heading home and going to live with their parents until they can find work seem to feel like they have to justify their reasoning for doing so. I don’t know what the answer is for people stuck in miserable jobs, but if it happens to me, I would probably go crazy, especially after doing something like this. The more I think about it the more life in the states (and the first world in general) seems like a race toward retirement. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are people who love their jobs and never want to retire, I’m just talking about people my age who are stuck in a rut with no way out.

Just before I started writing this I had a conversation with my friend outside about the library and what he thinks it will mean for this town. Such a conversation would never happen at 2:30 on a Monday afternoon. No way! Those are precious work hours and time is money. I am almost 26 years old. I will not have much money when I return to the states and I couldn’t be happier. A lot of times you’ll hear volunteers say something like, “yeah, this job is great, but I have to get back and start a real life.” I understand the viewpoint – we are living here on the government’s dime with no real structure to our work schedule. If you are not a teacher, your own self-motivation is literally the only schedule you hold yourself to. Thankfully, Peace Corps is loaded with self-motivated people. But to me this doesn’t feel like a transition to a real life. I don’t think it is something that I just needed to get out of my system.

Okay, you’re all probably thinking, “Holy crap, he’s finally lost it.” But I swear I haven’t (although I guess that’s what anyone would say right before they are checked into the nut house). I am just reflecting on my own experiences here and what it may mean for my future.

When I first got here, I have questioned whether or not I should have stayed in Detroit and done humanitarian work there. We all know that city needs all the help it can get. That is my plan for when I return – to live near family and play some role in the attempt to restore Detroit. But the longer I live in a place where phrases like “time is money” or “Eat. Work. Sleep” are just that, idioms, and not actually ways of life, the more tempted I am to stay. Is it possible to live a life in the U.S. without regard for money? Hope so. Will I be here for a third year? I don’t know. All I can say is it’s not out of the question.

I just got back from a trip to Mauritius with my parents for 6 days. It was unbelievable. I met some of my dad’s family that I had either never met before or couldn’t remember because I was too young at the time. It was so great that I am hoping to go back with some of my Peace Corps friends over Easter vacation. Despite the beauty of my 6-day getaway, coming back to my small village in Madagascar definitely messed with my mind. I wonder…if I go back to Detroit right away will I forget how great of a time I had here? Will I want to come back at some point? Will I base my decision on the cost of a plane ticket? I really hope not.

I wrote that a few weeks ago and I guarantee my opinion on all of this has changed at least 2 or 3 times with the ebbs and flows of my work. This is a love-hate relationship and I think this post shows the side of me when I am really loving my job.