Life is looking up here on the Red Island. I think I have mentioned before the manic-depressive behavior that comes with being a Peace Corps volunteer. Well, it starts from the beginning. You come to country with these grand ideas - some that you later realize were not very well thought out – but you are sure your presence in what appears to be a forsaken country will still be nothing but positive. Then, you get to site, realize that you never really understood the phrase ‘middle-of-nowhere’ until that moment and slowly these grand ideas come crashing down and the self-doubt creeps in like a bad dream. No doubt this happens to hundreds, if not thousands of Peace Corps volunteers all over the world. You will love your job one day and curse yourself and your host country the next. It is an emotional rollercoaster unlike any I have ever experienced. The Peace Corps motto used to be “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” I don’t know why it changed, but I get it.
A few weeks back my service hit a few rough patches. I was still working on my library grant proposal long after the deadline I had set for myself. This was due largely to the fact that the lycee lost a ton of money courtesy of its secretary. As I mentioned in my previous blog, this man continues to work at the lycee because he is a state employee and therefore cannot be fired by the lycee or its Proviseur. Recently, I was actually told that many of the people in the town (and most of the teachers) believe the Proviseur may be in on the scam. Can’t tell you how depressing that would be if it turns out to be true. I should also add that the secretary who stole the money is still in charge of getting the money every few weeks from the bank in Manakara (this despite my constant protests to the Proviseur and the rest of the staff). In addition to the finanacial issues, classes were being cancelled at an unbelievable rate for reasons that seemed completely ridiculous to me: two teachers’ meetings (we all live within shouting distance of each other so there is no reason we can’t meet at any other time than when kids are supposed to have class and they are supposed to work), a day for students to clean up the school yard and basketball court, and an obscene amount of religious holidays. Granted, I am not a very good catholic. Quite frankly, the only reason I consider myself catholic is because my parents are/were and I wear a Celtic cross for sentimental value. Whatever happened to the good old days of separation of church and state?! I volunteer at a public school yet religion has clearly sunk its claws deep into the fabric of this country’s basic functionality. I apologize if I offend anyone. I don’t mean to personify religion as an angry cat, but in my opinion some things are better left without G’s opinion.
Anyway, all these things seemed to happen at once. Then, with classes being cancelled at such an alarming rate it was nearly impossible to get any lessons through to my students. I would teach them one thing and then they wouldn’t see it again for another week and a half and God knows they aren’t studying at home (see what I did there). In addition to forgetting basic information, some students were getting egregiously disrespectful in class and others who, when I kicked them out for being disrespectful, happily hopped up and acted as if I were doing them the biggest favor. It is weeks like these where I am asking myself: what in the hell am I doing here? How can one volunteer ever make a difference when there are clearly so many bigger problems with this country than whether or not a few people can speak English? Sometimes when students start laughing at me when I misspeak in Malagasy I think to myself, ‘why do you deserve my help?’ A few times I have even started to question why I am about to ask all of you for money to help me pay for a library when I am questioning whether or not it is deserved. Usually a few hours will go by and I read a book or something to take my mind off of the whole experience for a while.
After nearly a year in this country, I think I am finally getting it though. The bottom line is this library is not intended for the masses. Sure, I would love to have everyone in the Faraony region lining up out the door to read a few books and study some English, but it will never happen and I would be doomed to think so. The reason I am here, the reason I am teaching at a lycee in Madagascar, trying to build a library, teaching multiple English clubs and speaking really bad English with kids at random hours of the day is because I am making a monumental difference in the lives of the few. And that is more than enough. It’s one thing to tell yourself you aren’t going to change the world in two years before you leave, but it is another thing entirely to come to that realization while you are in your service. I have arrived at and passed that point and couldn’t be happier about it. Even if there is no physical affirmation of my presence here (ex. if my library project does not go through for some reason) I know there are students, teachers, and people here whose lives will never be the same because of that American guy who lived with them for a little while. It is the little victories that assure me of this.
Little Victory #1
Two students were in my house and we were all sitting around speaking English (or attempting to) when one of them asked what classes I will be teaching next year. I told him I didn’t know but assumed the same ones as this year. One grew a huge smile and the other sunk into his chair a bit and said, “I am going to be in Premiere A” which is a class I don’t teach. He added, “I learn good you.” I jokingly thought to myself ‘clearly you don’t’ and then corrected him. It was particularly depressing since we had just gone over adverbs (how bout that for some English grammar humor?).
Little Victory #2
A student who has drastically improved his English since I first met him has started coming to my house pretty regularly to learn new vocab and practice his speaking. Last week he told me, “You not speak Malagasy with me” or in English “Please don’t speak Malagasy with me anymore.” I couldn’t have been happier. He now comes to my house every morning for a half an hour before classes start.
Little Victory #3
I was showing the plans for the library to the other English teacher who works at the lycee. She appeared awestruck by basic CAD drawings and said, “We are all praying that we are able to build this.”
Little Victory #4
I finally sent in my library project proposal. I am now waiting on Peace Corps to hopefully give me the approval so that I can officially start bothering you all for money.
Little Victory #5
A library doesn’t look so good without books. I recently secured a way to get more than 1,000 books for the library if it is approved. They should arrive in a few months.
Little Victory #6
I just built a garden in my backyard because no Peace Corps home is complete without a garden. It actually took me about 3-4 weeks to cut my grass with a hook-shaped knife about the size of your hand. I don’t have a lot of space, but it was like a jungle out there and the knife isn’t very sharp nor does it cover a lot of surface area with one strike. Anyways, I planted tomatoes, cauliflower, green beans and peppers. I am hoping for a good yield, but if not I will definitely try again. I’m hoping this garden will get the other teachers who live around me interested in doing the same. The town where vegetables are sold is about 2km away. Since everyone walks everywhere, it’s a bit of a pain in the ass. I’m hoping the teachers and I can either eat the vegetables ourselves and save some money and a long walk or sell some of it and use it for the library.
Little Victory #7
A bunch of new volunteers arrived here in the southeast region a few weeks ago and all of them seem really cool. Really excited for our camping weekend/meeting in a few weeks.
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I didn’t mean for this blog to be so preachy. My apologies. Usually I just keep all this stuff to myself and the world continues to turn, but I thought you all might want to know what it is really like to be a PCV in my situation.
I want to leave you with a funny story. One of my English club students came over the other day while I was creating my garden. He said hi and was talking with me in broken English for a bit before he introduced his friend (whose name I can’t remember). I asked them what they were doing and why they stopped by. Next thing I know I was getting a lecture from one of Jehovah’s witnesses in the comfy confines of my wooden home in the middle of nowhere in Madagascar. Could not believe it. I have several pamphlets I can now use to light my trash on fire.
GO WINGS!
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